This Curse That I Call Love
by Moonlight Enchantments
Summary: Reela sequel to If You Were With Me Tonight. Ray and Neela are finally together, but they have some big decisions to make. But the Roomies are meant to be, they're together forever. Surely they can get through anything... right? Previously It's You and Me
1. Neela, the results

**A/N Alright I have a feeling this may turn into a long, rambling "note" so I apologise in advance.**

**First off (kinda) hi there! You're back! And to new people, wow! You're new! Yeah baby! So, I hope you guys are as pleased as me, which is about as pleased as punch, that I'm starting a new story! I love writing about the Roomies, so that's why I'm pleased, hopefully you're pleased because you like the way I write about them.**

**So, I would recommend that since this is a sequel, you read the first story "If You Were With Me Tonight" but it's not necessary though there will be many many references. Because, as I said, this is the sequel! Quick sum up though, Gallant never died, Neela and he moved elsewhere for a year and a half, she was unhappy came back to Chicago for a bit and who did she find? Non other than her lov-a-ly ex-room-mate! After an incident involving a gun and Ray jumping in front of said gun to save her life she realised there was only one way for them all to be happy, split with Gallant and confessed her love to Ray at the hospital bed (god I'm sorry guys, I didn't realise how unoriginal that was. I'll do better with this one, hopefully) while wearing the t-shirt she refused in that all too sad episode. You know the one I mean. Anyway we left our loved up couple at Christmas, and we shall join them again in January, they've been together about two and a half months (but who's counting). Oh and the gorgeous Jasmyn (Abby and Luka's daughter) is about twenty one months old... something like that anyway. Almost two in my book. Oh talking of which, I'm planning a spin off -lmao- yup, all about Jazz when she's fifteen. Probably will just be a one-shot (maybe an extended one-shot of two or three chapters) but I hope you guys'll read!**

**Disclaimer: As usual we have the chapter from Neela, then Ray and so on. And we have our little song bit at the beginning. I own none of the songs, and they are all accredited. I also don't own Ray and Neela, but because this story is set so far after the series, I guess this version of them is kinda mine. In a way. Anyway... Oh! There will be no season 13 spoilers, because I don't know nor want any. Please don't tell me anything. However if any of the things that happen in my story do end up happening in the series, it is purely coincidence. Or ER have stolen my ideas but _that _seems a little far-fetched. A girl can dream though!**

**Rating: As always the same as the show. I rate it as a T, but if you think it should be bumped up just tell me, I don't mind!**

**Oh one more thing, I don't know when Neela first moved in with Ray so I'm guessing/ changing-it-to-suit-my-story. Hope you don't mind! And the first bit of this is meant to mirror the first bit of the last story. I'm not just boring. Honest.**

Chapter One- Neela

"_I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous,_

_Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires."_

-"Everything is Alright" Motion City Soundtrack

"Happy Anniversary." I opened my eyes, sunlight pouring into the bedroom and saw... no, not my husband Michael, but the man I was in love with –my rocker boyfriend Ray. Ok, he was also a doctor, but sometimes it's nice to play up his "dangerous" side. I sat up, propping myself on pillows and he gave me the tray he'd been carrying with a wide grin. There was a bowl of Lucky Charms, a bottle of chocolate milkshake and paper napkin made into a lily. It wasn't what us girls were meant to think was romantic, there were no roses, but it was Ray all over and that was enough for me.

"Thanks, but what anniversary are we celebrating exactly?"

He feigned shock, and pouted, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you. And I shall take your breakfast away."

I held onto the tray, "The Lucky Charms are mine, Barnett."

"I love it when you call me Barnett."

I winked, "I know you do. I'll call it you more often if you tell me what this is about."

He smiled, "You making some sort of bargain? I didn't know I'd ever see the day that Neela Rasgotra would be bargaining with me -especially over a date she'd forgotten."

"I haven't forgotten I've just... misplaced the information."

"Oh tactfully done. This my dear, is the day you first moved in with me."

I looked at him, shocked. "You remember the date that I first moved in?"

"You want the truthful answer or the yes-I've-been-in-love-with-you-forever-slightly-stalker-answer."

"Um... the truth... I think."

"Ok, no I did not put this date down in my mind when you first moved in, then it was a necessity for me as it was for you. But last year I was doing some clearing out, came across an old calender and by then I was hopelessly devoted so I started to remember."

"Hopelessly devoted?"

"Oh yeah. It was all our Summer Lovin' that did it."

"Mmm, You're The One That I Want."

He laughed, "I'm glad. I gotta go get a shower, care to join me?"

"You have work."

"Yeah... so."

"You'll be late if I join you."

"Oh, that sounds like big talk."

I grinned, "We've tried it before, we can't share a shower and be quick about it."

"True," he said, leaning over and kissing me. "I'll see you in a bit then." He went to the door.

"Ray?"

"Mmm?"

"You need to take your clothes."

"Why? Nothing you haven't seen before," he said, winking.

"You need to take your clothes."

He raised his eyebrows, "Why do I... oh I see. Can't resist me can you?"

I thought about denying it, but it was true, "Nope."

"I'm glad," he said again, grabbing a pile from the side.

I sighed, then started eating my breakfast. I didn't have work today, luckily, so I could enjoy a day of rest and eating. Two things you don't always get to do while working a shift at the ER. Ray and I mainly shared the same shifts, or near about, but I'd done Caroline a favour and she was repaying me today. Caroline Smith was the doctor who had come to take over Archie Morris, who'd left around the same time as me. Although she was a better doctor she was worse at making coffee. And none of us had thought that possible. But she was also one of my friends, once I'd moved back to Chicago we'd become close and she'd often join Abby and I on our girls nights.

I heard the shower start and thought that perhaps I could join him. But I needed to talk to him when I was in a clear mind, hence my request for him to be clothed. I needed to talk to him about serious things, and that was impossible for me when he wasn't clothed. A lot of people when they first met Ray thought it would be hard to have a serious conversation with him -he was a joker. But it wasn't, he was actually one of the most serious people I'd met, especially when it came to feelings. When he felt something he felt it deep down with a passion. It meant he got hurt, like when I'd left. I hated the fact that I'd hurt him, I loved him I hadn't wanted to hurt him. Stupidly I'd thought it was for the best. But everyone just ended up getting more hurt. But now I was back with him, and I hoped that was making it up for him. He said it was.

I got up and pulled on a jumper. Ah Chicago winters. I didn't know whether today would be the best time to tell him. But I had to tell him at some point and I didn't know when else I could, he had a gig tonight and I didn't think I could wait until tomorrow. One more night would kill me.

I walked round the living room, straightening the cushions on the sofa, using my sleeve to dust the t.v. Oh yes, if the room was clean my bombshell wouldn't seem so big. Or that was the way I felt. I was so nervous. I didn't know how he'd react...

"All done, and half an hour to spare," he said, cheerfully.

"Good because I sort of... I need to talk to you."

"You sound serious."

"Yeah, it is serious. Well it might be," I said, motioning him to sit on the couch next to me. He came and sat down looking at me with a little smile.

"What's up?"

"Ray I..." I took a deep breath. "I've missed a period."

His eyes widened. "Oh... you... wow." He paused a minute then broke out in a wide smile, "Have you taken a test?"

"No, I wanted to wait until you knew and then..."

He grinned, "Ok, I'm going to go get one, you sit there. Rest, relax." He jumped up and pulled on a coat, heading for the door, "I'll be back in five minutes. Rest!"

I smiled as I heard the door closing. Whatever I'd thought his reaction might be, that surely wasn't it. I hadn't expected him to be... excited. Shocked, even upset was what I'd prepared myself for. But he was happy... I didn't know what to think. He came back, still smiling.

"You should have seen the looks I got buying this. Here," he said, handing it to me.

I went to the bathroom, taking deep breaths. I didn't know what to think, I didn't want to have a baby yet, but it might be nice... he seemed so pleased and... God I didn't know what to think. First things first, take the test. I let him in once I was done, the stick was on the toilet top. We had to wait two to three minutes. He came behind me and hugged me as we both watched it. This could change our lives forever.

He kissed the top of my head, "I love you, you know that, whatever happens I will always, always love you."

"I know," I said quietly. "I'm so scared."

"It's alright," he said, squeezing me tighter, "It's me and you, we can get through anything."

I jumped as the alarm on my watch went off. "Three minutes... I can't do it. I can't look."

He went and got it, then looked down, "It's negative," he said quietly.

"Oh."

"Yeah..." he gave me a small smile. "Well, at least there's no big decisions to be made."

"Yes I suppose so." Was it just me or did we both sound a bit disappointed. Which of course was stupid because we weren't ready to have kids. I mean, we'd only just got together, a few months in is not enough time to start planning a family. I was getting a divorce, he was in a band. That didn't seem like ideal parentmaterialto me.

"I suppose I should go to work, Weaver will bust my ass if I'm late, I seem to be late more often since you moved back in."

"I'm sorry," I said with a small smile. I loved him so much, he could always get me out of my depressing thoughts, and bring me back to the real world. "And I'm sorry to give you a scare. False alarm, silly me."

"I'm glad you told me, I know that must have been hard." He glanced at his watch, "We'll talk more tonight."

"You have a gig."

"Shit... yeah. You wanna come?"

"Always." He kissed me passionately, one of those kisses that leave your knees weak.

"See you tonight." I could only mumble in reply.

**A/N So my prettys. What thought you? I like to jump in with a bang, I don't know if you noticed... anyway hope you liked please review! PLEASE! I'll love you forever if you review! This was sort of hard to write, as a first chapter often is for me, so I hope you liked it anyway.**


	2. Ray, boys don't cry

**A/N Hey! Second chapter, wooo, you guys like the sequel! Yey I'm glad! The song bit of this has a little twist. As you'll notice I actually use more than just the lyrics at the beginning. They're all from the same song ("Boys Don't Cry" by the Cure) but I just couldn't think which lyrics summed up the chapter the best so I used most of them. They're slightly out of order, and I miss loads, but I think it works. Hope you like!**

Chapter Two- Ray

"_I try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies, _

_I try and laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes."_

- "Boys Don't Cry" The Cure

A pregnancy scare. _Scare. _Which means you were meant to be relieved when the test came out negative. That was pretty obvious. What wasn't obvious was why I wasn't feeling any relief at all. It had always been one of those things I talked to Brett about in a "what the hell would you do if..." kind of way. Every time the answer would have been, "well after running out of there I'd probably...". But I hadn't wanted to run when Neela told me she'd missed her period. I'd wanted... I don't even know. All I knew is that I hadn't felt nervous or angry or upset, I'd felt excited. Excited that we could be having a baby -we could become parents. Was Ray Barnett actually considering settling down?

Um... yes.

I waited for the El that night in a complete daze, I didn't notice anyone else -I was just wrapped up in my own thoughts. Neela was the first woman I'd been completely open about loving. I say woman because there had obviously been my first crush in high school who I obviously _loved, _with every fibre of my being. For aweek or two at least. But Neela, I really did love her with everything I had, everything that was mine I'd give up willingly if it meant another day with her. I'd lost her once and I truly knew what it was to be broken. And now that I'd actually tasted her love, I knew if she was to leave it would hurt even more. So yes, I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I didn't want to leave her, or for her to leave me. That was practically marriage talk. If I was considering marriage, why not kids too? We were great with Jazz, I mean Neela was a different person around kids. Still the same Neela I knew and loved, but different too.

"Hey man, you not getting this train?"

"Huh?" I looked up and saw Pratt holding the door of the train for me. "Oh yes, thanks."

I got on and stood beside him, holding the roof strap. "You alright?" he asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"About Neela?"

Dangerous territory. Greg was Michael's friend. Neela was getting divorced from Michael. I loved Neela. On the other hand, the whole ER knew about us so if I said no he'd probably wonder who I was having the affair with and hit me anyway. "Um... yeah. Sort of."

"I'm not going to hit you, you know. They're both my friends and I want them both to be happy. That does include Neela. So as long as you're making her happy we're alright."

I tried not to think about the underlying threat that said; _but as soon as you're not... _"Thanks. Yeah I was thinking about her. Just... about our future."

He raised his eyebrows, "Barnett, thinking about your future with a girl? Oh you've got it bad."

I nodded, "I know."

He grinned, "I think this is your stop."

"Shit, yeah, thanks... again." I got off and walked down the steps and along the street. Just a few blocks and I'd be home and Neela and I could talk about this. Then... shit, I'd forgotten -for the second time- that I had a gig tonight. I really was changing, I didn't want to go to my gig, I wanted to stay home with Neela. That worried me -I didn't want to change. But what worried me more was the fact that this was _exactly _why they'd kicked me out of the band in the first place. Which meant I was probably going to have to make a decision pretty soon. Did I still want to be in the band, was I still Doc Rock. Or was I now, Ray Barnett, MD. Two very different rings. But I knew which Neela would think was more "parent quality".

"Hey I'm home," I called as I walked into the apartment.

"Hi." I heard the reply coming from the bedroom. _Our _bedroom.

I walked in and stopped, holding the door frame with one hand. "Wow," I said.

Neela turned to look at me and smiled, "What?"

I motioned at her with my hand. She'd curled her hair and put on a bit of make-up, just a subtle amount of eye-liner. But the main thing was the dress. Well, it was actually one of my t-shirts. She'd cut the top so it hung over one shoulder, baring it. Then she'd added a pair of boots. That was it, one -albeit it was big- t-shirt and a pair of boots. It went passed her ass, just. I took a deep breath.

"I... I..."

She laughed and came over to me, "You like it?" I just nodded. "You don't mind me cutting your t-shirt?" I shook my head. "Good." She went up on tip-toes and kissed me, barely a touch but it was enough to make me need to lean against the door frame a little more.

"You know, I don't think I mind so much about doing this gig any more."

We got picked up by Brett in the van, amongst a lot of wolf whistles. Neela took her usual place on my lap and Brett chuckled as he drove off. "I'll try not to go over to many bumps Barnett."

"Funny Brett, really funny."

When we were backstage, I invited her into the small dressing room. It was meant to be used for support acts, but tonight we were it. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," she said, "What's up?"

"It's about this morning... look I know this probably isn't the best time but I've been thinking about it all day and..." I trailed off.

"Me too. Go on."

"I think maybe we should... I mean we could... start maybe um... trying. You know for kids. I mean not trying, but leave it a little more up to chance, you know if you came off the pill and..." I trailed off again.

She stood just looking at me. "Ray... I," she sighed, and shook her head, "Ray we're backstage at one of you gigs, I'm dressed in a bloody t-shirt. You think we'd be good parent material?"

"I knew you'd say that... Neela we would be great parents."

"Sure, one day. Yes I want kids, and yes... I would like them with you. But not now. If the test had come up positive then it would be different. But actually trying for kids now, it's just... stupid."

"So, I'm stupid now am I? Gee thanks."

"I didn't mean that."

I sighed, "Why is it stupid? We're both doctors, we've got a good apartment, good wages -sort of. We've got friends who have kids."

"Do you want to know why it's stupid? Because we've only been together for a few months, because I'm in the middle of a divorce, because you're in a band, because..."

"Alright. Fine. If you don't want to that's bloody fine."

"You don't sound like it's fine," she said.

"Well it is," I said, making it clear that it wasn't. I walked to the door. "Oh and I was actually thinking of quitting the band tonight, because I knew that would be one of your reasons against this. The other reasons are yours and I can't do anything about them."

As I walked out the door I knew she was crying. I wanted to go back and comfort her, but I couldn't. My pride, my ego -whatever -wouldn't let me. I felt like crying too, but I had a gig and besides, I wasn't meant to. I was meant to be happy that she didn't want kids yet. She'd said yet, even the soft Barnett I'd become should have been pleased at that. But I wasn't. I couldn't help feeling that she thought me inadequate. I was pretty sure that she'd just keep on finding excuses.

The gig went pretty terribly. I was pissed off and it showed, which made Brett pissed off because I was, and I quote, "taking my personal life onto the stage." I couldn't see Neela because I wasn't looking for her. After we'd performed I headed for the bar and got a couple of shots. They burned my throat which was already raw from singing but I didn't care. Like hell I cared.

"What are you doing?" A quiet voice behind me. My Neela.

"I'm drinking, what does it look like."

"You don't usually drink shots."

"Maybe I fancied a change," I said, turning away from her. I didn't want her to see that it was because of her I was drinking.

"Ray... talk to me, please."

"The guy doesn't want to talk to you sweetie." I turned to see who the new voice was. It was a tall blonde, I think I'd seen her before. Around... sometime.

Neela shot me a look but I just sat there. I didn't want to talk to her. This was one way of getting rid of her.

"Take the hint, hon."

Neela looked me up and down, hurt and tears filling her eyes. Then she turned and walked away.

"God, what a little tramp. Did you see what she was wearing?" The blonde came and sat on the bar stool next to me. "I'm Holly."

"Ray."

"Yeah I know. I heard her saying. Who is she anyway?"

The woman I love, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, at the very least she's my girlfriend. But I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt Neela -not that I hadn't already. "I don't know. A friend of a friend I think."

"Oh," Holly said with a sly smile. "Not your girlfriend then?"

"No," I said, before turning back to the bar. "Two more shots please."

I felt someone tap my shoulder. It was Neela again. With her coat. My brain swam, the drink wasn't helping. Why did she have her coat?

"Ray I'm going. I'm going to Abby's."

"Why?"

"Why the hell do you think?"

"Look, whoever you are," this was from Holly, "You're not his girlfriend or anything so I don't think he really needs to know your every move."

There was a deadly pause. "No, you're right. He doesn't." She turned and walked to the door.

"Neela, wait," I said, stumbling off my stool. "Neela, don't... leave. We were having such fun." I guess I'd drunk more than I'd thought, I was staggering about. I only managed to catch up to her when we were outside.

"No Ray, I'm going, you go back in and continue your fun. To me it looked like you were drowning your sorrows over some alcohol, but if you think that's fun. Fine." She turned, then came back, "And Ray -great dad you'd make, getting pissed and flirting with some groupie. Yeah, really convincing me."

"Neela," I said quietly. God, she didn't half know how to cut me. "Don't... leave me."

"I'm not leaving the Ray I know, I'm leaving this idiot he seems to have turned into tonight. I'll be at Abby's if he comes back. But I think you should leave it a few days at least, because... you really hurt me."

_I would say I'm sorry, if I thought that it would change your mind,_

_But I know that this time, I've said too much,_

_Been too unkind._

She began to walk away, leaving me standing at the door of the club. How many times had she walked away from me? I don't know, but it didn't hurt any less. In fact it seemed every time she did it hurt more. She was the woman I loved, and I was letting her leave because I knew there was no way she'd forgive me tonight. I'd been a complete bastard to her. But she'd hurt me too. I'd finally, finally found love with her, finally gotten her to confess her feelings. And now I'd blown it. She was leaving, and I didn't know whether I'd be able to get her back.

_I would tell you that I loved you, If I thought you would stay,_

_But I know that it's no use, that you've already,_

_Gone away._

**A/N You know the drill. Review. PLEASE**

**p.s I just watched the repeat of 21 guns, omg so sad... I'm crying here. Didn't everyone just love that episode (in a wow tis amazing, not ah, good events, kinda way)**


	3. Neela, too many issues

**A/N Thanks for the reviews. Warning on this chapter, I'm in a very bad mood so if it comes out a little... depressing, that'll be why. And the song bit doesn't really go, but it's the best I could find. **

Chapter Three- Neela

"_Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over, _

_Hey now, hey now, when the world comes in,_

_They come, they come, to build a wall between us,_

_Don't let them ever win."_

"Don't Dream It's Over" Sixpence None the Richer

I turned and through my tears saw him walking back into the club. I hugged my arms round myself and walked on. Most people wouldn't let him walk back in there with that hussy, but I, maybe I was stupid for doing so but, I trusted him. I knew that he'd only said those things to hurt me, like I'd only said my last remarks to hurt him. It didn't stop it hurting though -knowing the reasons. I couldn't believe how childish and stupid we were both being. I knew I should turn back, and talk this out with him. But he was drunk, and I was seriously pissed off. We'd only end up fighting more. No, I needed space right now.

"Neela? What's wrong?" Abby said as she opened the door to me. "Are you ok?" She rubbed her eyes and I realised I must have woken her up.

"Yeah I'm fine, look I'm sorry I woke you up, I'll go somewhere else..." I began to turn but she grabbed my arm;

"You've woken me now, come in."

"Ray and I had a fight," I said, as we sat on the couch.

"Oh... first fight?"

"Yes. I guess..."

"What was it about?" she asked, smiling encouragingly. She was such a good friend.

"He wants to have a baby."

She almost choked on the water she'd been sipping, "What?"

"I... we had a pregnancy scare. I skipped a period. But I took a test this morning and it was negative."

"Oh... I'm sorry this is all a bit..."

"Shocking?" I asked with a small smile.

"You could say that. So what did he say?"

"When?"

"When you told him the test was negative."

"Well, I told him that I'd missed a period first, he got the test for me. He seemed... excited I guess. And then tonight he said we could start trying. For a baby. Us."

"It does sound a bit... but it doesn't sound much like Ray either. I never figured him for the paternal type."

"Me either. Not so soon anyway." I sighed then added, "It's just so not a good time. How does he not see that?"

She shook her head, "Maybe he's going along the lines of; when exactly is it a good time? You know he's changed a lot because of you. You remember how he was at first, now he's responsible, a great doctor and he'd go to the ends of the earth to make you happy."

"You're making me feel guilty. I know that, but he really hurt me tonight."

"It's a guy thing."

"Abby, no matter how much he's changed, he's still in a band -he's a rocker. And I'm still not in the right place."

"I'm not saying that you are. But you keep making it out that it's because of him you don't want kids yet."

"I never said..." I trailed off, because I suppose I had implied it. "He's such a kid himself sometimes."

"I know. But you've seen him with Jazz, he's different. And the band thing, you know he only re-joined because you left. He left the band because of you."

"He got kicked out."

"He would have left, he told me, at one point all he wanted to do was hang out with you. When you were gone, he threw himself back in there. It made him feel special."

"I didn't realise you two had become so close when I left. He seems to tell you a lot."

She sighed, "Yes. He does. Don't get all sulky about it, just listen to me. I have not spent years trying to get you together to let you blow it now, after a stupid, childish fight."

"I know, I know... we've not broken up, he knows that. I just needed space."

"I understand, you want to sleep here tonight then?"

"Yes please."

The next day I had work. I knew I was on the same shift as Ray so I was nervous. Very nervous. After our first fight, I didn't know what we'd be like. When I got in I saw him coming out of the locker room. He looked extremely annoyed. I guessed he probably had a killer hangover. He strode down the corridor, anger coming off him in waves. His eyes were red rimmed, and he looked quite pale.

"What's up with Ray today?" Sam asked as I went to grab my lab coat.

"He has a hangover probably," I said simply. The probably let her know that I wasn't exactly sure.

A few hours went by, as they always seem to in the ER, with paperwork, a trauma and a few kids with food poisoning. The next time I saw Ray properly I saw his mood hadn't improved. I saw him going to the roof so I followed him up. He was leaning against the wall, looking over the city as I came up behind him.

"Ray."

He turned and glowered at me. "Sorry, I'm still the stupid idiot you left last night."

"Ray, please don't... I was hurt. You hurt me."

"You hurt me too. Looks like we're square."

"I'm sorry Ray."

He shook his head, "Don't be. I don't want your pity."

"Pity?" I said, feeling shocked, "Why am I pitying you?"

"You tell me," he replied, childishly. "Oh, and this came this morning, it's from your _husband_."

He shoved a brown envelope at me and walked away. "Ray!" I called after him, but he continued walking. I felt terrible, but I'd tried. He hadn't been making sense, why would I be pitying him... I didn't understand. And now, this. I looked down at the envelope in my hands. Yes, that was Michael's handwriting. But it was a big envelope to be a letter. Which only left one thing...

I opened it and slid out the sheath of papers. There was a cover letter, from his solicitors. These were the finalised divorce papers, all I need do was sign them where it was noted to do so and send them back. I leaned my back against the wall and slid down it, so I was sitting on the floor. I hugged my knees to my chest and began to cry.

When had everything gone so wrong? I had ended my marriage because I thought it would make everyone happier. Now, only a few months in, it felt like Ray and I were breaking already. Was a few months worth the pain I'd caused Michael? I'd thought Ray loved me, but if we couldn't even survive a single disagreement without turning petty and childish, what hope was there for us?

A few minutes later, when my tears had run dry, my pager bleeped. I slipped the papers back into the envelope and headed for the door, stealing myself. I was done with crying. I was practical Neela, I got things done. If I had to do something, I would do it. And there were some things I had to do.

"Neela, are you alright?" Abby said, cornering me as she came in at the start of her shift.

"I'm... no, not really. I just got my divorce papers."

"Oh, hon'. I'm sorry."

I smiled, "Thanks. Have you seen Ray?"

"Yeah, he's in exam 2."

I walked purposefully towards the exam room. I'd done my bit, I'd apologised. If Ray still wanted to be childish, that was fine with me. He was the one who had to make the next move. He'd hurt me last night, but by being so inconsiderate today, he'd proved how much I must really mean to him. And it wasn't a lot.

"Dr Barnett, can I speak to you please?"

He turned and followed me out of the room. "Yes?"

I looked up at him. He looked angry, but deep in his eyes he looked sad too. I knew I'd be waiting when that Ray finally took over, but I wasn't going to put myself through this side of him, not when I had other things going on in my life. I wasn't going to put up with his shit too.

"I'm going to stay with Abby for a while. We need to cool off. I don't want to deal with your issues while I'm trying to deal with mine."

He looked startled, "Neela, what?"

"You hurt me last night, and you've hurt me today. This was the final straw." I showed him the envelope. "These are my divorce papers and you just shoved them at me... I thought you knew how awful I'd been feeling about this, but obviously you don't. I shouldn't have to explain this to you." With that I turned and walked away. One day I hoped he'd come and find me. I hoped that day would be soon, because I had found before that I couldn't live properly without him, I needed him. I hoped soon he would realise how much I needed him, not just how much he needed me.

**A/N Um... I hope that all made sense, why she's angry, why she's "cooling it" etc. Hopefully. If it didn't, please tell. Well, just tell me all, you know I love reviews.**


	4. Ray, it's better this way

**A/N Thanks for all your reviews! I'm away this w'end so there won't be an update till monday. Sorry! I've also changed the title to "This Curse That I Call Love." I think it works a little better, but please tell me your views! It's from the song "You Hold Me Down" by Motion City Soundtrack, and that whole bridge bit is beautiful. You guys should get the lyrics!**

Chapter Four- Ray

"_She was the one love of my life, and I let her go,_

_And if I look like death today, then please let her know."_

- "I'm Waking Up To Us" Belle and Sebastian

Ok, god, fate, whatever. Funny joke. Now you can let me wake up. Because this can not be happening. She is not walking away from me again. The woman I love, the woman who made me a better person, the woman I can't live without is walking away from me because I'm a stupid, ignorant, twat. But I'm not really. Really I'm a kind, funny guy who shows her how much I love her, in real life I would never hurt her. So this must be some kind of... nightmare.

I pinched myself, but it made no difference except to make my arm hurt.

"Neela! Wait, please! I'm sorry!" I called after her but she just kept walking. She must really hate me -and I couldn't blame her. I couldn't believe I'd been such an idiot. I closed my eyes, hoping to wake up with her sleeping next to me. But no such luck, I was still standing in the corridor of the ER, and she had still gone.

I walked to the locker room in dismay. I didn't care about the patient I'd just left, I couldn't think about anything other than the sorry state of my life. One fight, one misunderstanding, and everything was falling apart. And there was one reason for that, me and my pettiness. Why hadn't I talked to her on the roof, she'd obviously come up there to talk to me. But no, I'd let my ego do the talking, I'd wanted her to grovel or something. But it was me who needed to be grovelling. I'd messed it up for both of us. I don't know what I was thinking, all that about pity, I don't even know. Alright, so I thought we could try for kids. Way to prove it by turning into a kid myself, right?

What the hell did I drink last night?

"Idiot, idiot, idiot," I muttered to myself as I walked to my new locker. My old one was still broken after my little fight with it, the last time I'd been annoyed with Neela. Seriously, this love thing didn't seem to bring out the best in me.

"Yeah, although I think I'd go for something a little stronger."

I turned and saw Abby standing by the coffee maker. "I blew it Abby, I fucking blew it."

"It's not blown yet, though you've gotten pretty close in a hell of a short space of time. You need to do some serious grovelling."

"She won't forgive me after the way I've treated her. I wouldn't forgive me."

"Neela's a better person than you."

I sighed. "Maybe... maybe it's for the best. I'm not good enough for her, she deserves someone like... Gallant."

She held up her hand, as if she was about to hit me, "I am going to kill you Barnett, if you do not go round to my apartment tonight and make this up to her. So help me, I will make you sorrier than you're feeling right now. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start thinking of how you can make this up. Neela chose you, alright? It wasn't a hard decision, and by hurting her you've made it even harder. You need to go make it easier."

I gaped at her. There was no sensible reply to that. "When did you become so wise, Lockhart?"

She shook her head, "A fine line you're treading there Barnett, very fine."

"Sorry, I just... you're right. Too right for my own good."

I opened the door to our apartment and let the silence fill the air. Was it only yesterday I'd woken her up with breakfast in bed? I went round, switching lights on -it was so dark. That was always her routine, go in, switch the lights on in the kitchen, the living room and the bathroom. Then the apartment would glow. It didn't seem to work when I did it. God, I'd only seen her hours ago and yet I missed her already. But I guess seeing her wasn't enough, I needed to hold her, touch her, kiss her. I stood in the hall wondering what to do with myself when there was a knock on the door behind me. I'd left it open by mistake and the guy who lived in the opposite apartment was there holding a letter.

"Um, hey, this got posted to me by mistake. You're Ray, right?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah. Thanks," I said, taking the letter from him. "See you around."

He nodded and walked off, I closed the door while looking at the letter. The handwriting looked familiar... but I'd never seen my name written in it, only Neela's. This was Michael's handwriting. I went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, opening it.

_Barnett,_

_I don't want you to think I give up easily, so I wanted you to know this is one of the hardest letters I've ever had to write. In fact this must be the seventh or eighth version, but these things had to be said. _

_First, I don't hate you. Alright, for a while I did but I've realised that, what happened between Neela and I, it wasn't your fault. It would have happened eventually, with or without you. I guess you were just the catalyst. I loved Neela, more than I've ever loved anyone, and that's what made me realise I had to let her go. I would do anything to keep her happy, and she wasn't happy with me. I hate the fact that I had to lose her, but as long as she's happy... I can try to be happy too._

_I want you to tell her that I never meant to hurt her. I know I should tell her these things myself but, it's just too hard. I always wanted the best for her. I thought I was the best for her, but I know that we weren't right. She was never a soldier's wife, and I will always be a soldier. _

_Ray, I want you to make her happy. That's the only reason I'm letting her go, in the hope that she will be happy now. If you have any inkling of what a wonderful, beautiful, amazing woman she is you will do anything in your power to make sure she is always happy with you. I know you love her, I saw that years ago, and I know she loves you. She wouldn't have told me that she loved you, unless she was really sure of her feelings. Neela is not the kind of person to do things on a whim. I hope to god that you aren't either. Because if you hurt her, then all the hurt I've gone through these last few months will be in vain. I'm starting to work my way out of it, but only in the knowledge that we're both probably better off._

_I'm posting the divorce papers at the same time as this, so you'll get them together. I know you'll support her through this. Even though it was the right decision, this is a hard time for her, because I know that once she did love me. I hope you know her well enough that I'm writing this for nothing, because you already know it, but Neela will be feeling guilty. I don't want her to be guilty for hurting me, she made the right decision, to do what she needs to do. Make sure she knows that._

_One day I'll try to write her a letter, but right now I need you to tell her how I feel. Please do that for me. You're a lucky man, to have her love. Make sure you keep it._

_Yours,_

_Michael Gallant_

I slumped to the floor. I knew I'd hurt her, but I hadn't realised how much. I'd never thought that she would need me, like I need her. I never thought... I was a fool, an utter fool. I'd been so wrapped up in our happiness, that I'd forgotten what she was going through elsewhere. And I'd been upset when she said it was the wrong time. Of course it was the wrong time. I just... never realised. I'd always though I was the one who needed her, she was the strong one. I'd forgotten because she never let down her defences, she never showed people that she needed them. But I should have known anyway. I needed to support her, like she'd supported me. I thought it was enough that I could make her laugh, make her happy. But I needed to be there for her, when she said she needed me, and when she didn't. I wanted Neela to be my forever, but the only way I could do that was to understand her. And I wasn't sure that I did. Maybe... maybe we weren't right for each other. I thought we were meant to be, but if I didn't even know that she was hurting, feeling guilty... what good was I? I'd been right when I told Abby I wasn't good enough for her.

_Neela thinks you are._

I shook my head, silencing the voice in my head that thought I had a chance. No, Neela left. She's realised what a pig I am, self-centred, arrogant. I never even realised it. I thought I was a nice guy.

I got up and went to the phone. I dialled Abby's number and thankfully the answer machine picked up.

"Hi, you've reached Abby, Luka and Jasmyn. Please leave a message after the beep."

I wasn't leaving a message for them. I knew I should say all this to her face, but I couldn't bare to see her. I couldn't bare to see what I was losing.

"Hey... Neela, it's Ray. I just... I had to tell you that I'm sorry. I know I should say this to your face but I can't see you, I can't see what I'm... losing. I... I know I've not treated you how you deserve to be treated. I never knew that you were sad, and that makes me an utter idiot. I was too wrapped up in being happy that you were with me, I forgot about... you. I'm sorry. I wish I could turn back time, and start this over again but... I can't. I've done some things I know you'll never be able to forgive me for. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I hope one day we can be friends again... I hope one day you will be able to forget the pain I caused you. I will always love you, Neela. I..." I trailed off, then added in a hoarse whisper, "I love you, Roomie."

I put the phone down and sat on the sofa, my head in my hands. I can't believe I'd lost her again. Only this time, I knew there was no hope. This time, it was forever.

**A/N Wow, that was hard to right. Um, sad enough for you? I hope it worked and just didn't seem stupid but... yeah. Hope you liked. Please tell all in your reviews! And what thinks you of the new title? Do you prefer the old one?**


	5. Neela, dreams only last a night

**A/N Hey dudes! Sorry this took so long, but I was away (at a farm, with llamas!) then I had to re-write this and the next chapter because they just didn't work. **

**Also, I've kinda just guessed Neela's age. I think it fits.**

Chapter Five- Neela

"_No sign of life, living without you,_

_No sign of life, can't seem to face the truth,_

_No sign of life, can't breath without you,_

_No sign of life, so how am I going to get through?"_

"No Sign Of Life" Emma Bunton

"... I love you Roomie."

The words made my throat close and my eyes start to sting. He thought this was forever. I hadn't meant it to be forever but so many things had happened in the last few hours. They always said bad things come in threes, and this was the third. The first was signing my divorce papers. If I'd been with Ray, it wouldn't have been a bad thing, but I was on my own. It all seemed pointless. It was done now, I was divorced. I still can't believe that, Neela Rasgotra, thirty years old, divorced, pregnant.

Oh yes, the middle thing.

It was when I was at work, trying to avoid Ray by haunting the surgery corridors, looking for Dubenko. Abby had found me, and we'd decided to go grab a coffee. I felt a little guilty, because I had patients, but Abby can be so persuasive. Now of course I'm glad I went otherwise who knows when I would have realised myself. She was trying to talk me into talking to Ray, and we got to the subject of my missed period.

"What did you feel like when it was negative? Upset or relieved?"

"I didn't know what to think," I'd replied, "I was so... I couldn't think."

"Alright well what about when your period came, what did you feel then?"

"When my..." My eyes had widened, "Shit, Abby... I've not had my period yet."

"You haven't?"

"No... it's only been two days but..."

"How many tests did you take?"

"Just one."

She'd looked at me and sighed, "I think we might have to get you another one."

So we'd gone back to the hospital and I'd taken a test. Of course, it being County, I was with a patient when the results came back. Luckily it was Caroline who saw them, and she came to get me straight away with the good news. I was expecting. Of course, whether it was actually good news or not... I couldn't be sure. If Ray and I hadn't been fighting, this would have been hard but... nice as well. But now we were split up -so it seemed.

"Neela, you need to talk to him," Abby said, coming up to me after the message had finished.

"No... I can't."

"You can't go through this on your own."

I turned and glared at her, "Why? I'm not some stupid, simpering, bimbo who can't make a decision herself."

She sighed, "I never said that you were. All I'm saying is that this is a hard decision to make, and you might want someone there with you."

"Did you with Jasmyn? Or did you take it all in your stride?"

"I didn't take it in my stride, it was one of the hardest days of my life, deciding what to do. But I had the choice, I'd told Luka by then, he was always there for me -if I'd wanted him. You can't leave Ray out of this."

"What if what I decide isn't what he wants?" I felt close to tears, I wanted Ray, but I didn't like to feel as though I needed him. At least I didn't like to let others know, to myself I would admit it. Yes, I needed him.

"I think that whatever you decide, Ray will be there with you. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he's looked at you for years. He would only want you to be happy. That's why he's done this." She motioned to the message machine.

"I know... but I don't want him to be with me because of this. I want..."

Abby interrupted me by saying, "Oh god! Neela, he isn't breaking up with you because he wants to, he's doing it because it's what he thinks _you _want. You two are going to make me have some sort of break down! You are perfect for each other, you love each other more than anything, and yet you both have to overcomplicate it by fighting about stupid stuff, breaking up over practically _nothing_. Please, for my sake, go and talk to him. All I want is for you to be happy Neela, you're my friend, and I know he makes you happy."

"It isn't always that simple."

"No it's not always that simple, but sometimes it is. Sometimes you just have to find what makes you happy and hold onto it for as long as you can."

I sat down on the sofa, I knew she was right. Happiness is a relative thing. Everyone is happy for different reasons, different things make people happy. Ray makes me happy. But now it wasn't just Ray and I. The real world had finally broken into our happy little dream world. I didn't think our world would cope under that pressure.

Dreams are a wonderful thing but they only last for a night.

Later, I could hear the street outside. What is it about cities, that no matter when you're awake it's always so bloody noisy? I mean, it's 3 in the morning now but there seems to be more noise then there is in the day time. Maybe I can only hear it because I'm so... awake. There's no way I can sleep. I've lain here since eleven, to no avail. I can't sleep here. I want to be at home, with Ray. It's stupid, but all I want to do is be near him. That's why I can't. That's why I needed this space. Because when I'm with him, all I can think about is him. And when he touches me, my brain gets mixed up so I don't know what I'm supposed to think any more. And I need to think.

I didn't realise I wouldn't be able to sleep without him. I hadn't realised how used to sleeping next to him I'd become. How easily I'd settled into his bed. Just like he hadn't realised what I was thinking. That phone message had almost broken my heart. He sounded so defeated. But I didn't blame him for not knowing that I needed him, I hadn't known. But I know now.

I got up and looked out the window. The street lamps cast a hazy orange glow about the room. It wasn't my room, it wasn't our room. I'd stayed here before, when I'd come back to Chicago. But it hadn't been like this. I'd been splitting up with my husband, angsting over the past, but I think I knew, even then. I knew I would tell Ray. It was one of those things that had to happen. One of those life changing moments. You don't know what might happen to you afterwards, all you know if you have to do that one thing, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Sometimes you live to regret it anyway.

I don't regret it.

I regret the past few days though. I wish we hadn't fought, I wish I hadn't said those things, I wish I was home now, with him, feeling safe and warm, I wish I could talk to him about everything. I wish I knew whether he was missing me, as much as I was missing him.

As the dawn approached, I decided sleep wasn't going to happen so I may as well just get up. Of course, in an apartment, there isn't really much you can do at this time -unless you want to wake everyone up. I missed being in a house. Back in England,me and my family lived in quite a big house, and you could easily creep downstairs and watch t.v or have a coffee without risk of waking everyone. Except my mum, she'd always been a light sleeper. I wondered what she'd think of my predicament. God, this was something I could never talk to her about. She'd been devastated when I'd eventually told her about my divorce from Michael. Not that she'd particularly liked him, it just wasn't something you did -get divorced, I mean. I'd still not worked up the courage to tell her about Ray, and now I wondered if I'd ever have to. Of course I knew that I'd rather tell my mum everything, if it meant Ray and I could be happy again. If you knew my mum, you'd know how big a deal _that _was.

It was weird, but as soon as I set foot out of my room the phone rang. I froze, I had a tendency to freak myself out a little at night. But I didn't want Abby or Luka, or Jasmyn to wake up so I quickly answered it.

"Hello?" I asked warily, ready to hang up if any scary breathing started.

"Neela?" Was Ray's shocked reply. "I... didn't think you'd be awake. I was just going to leave a message."

"Well um... I'm up."

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, I was already up." _Oh god, I love you, can I come home? Can we start a family?_ Where had that come from? The first bit I'd known I felt, but the second... did I want to have this baby?

I realised he was talking again; "I was just phoning to leave a message about tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Had I missed something?

"It's the day we usually have Jazz. I thought it would still be alright to come round and take her out. No need to forsake godparent duties just because we're..." he trailed off.

"No," I said, through a closed throat, "That would be good, I'm sure Abby would appreciate it. And Jasmyn always loves seeing you." _So do I._

"Yeah, well I'll let you get back to bed. Sorry again for ringing at this time."

"Bye Ray. I'll see you tomorrow." I hung up quickly. I didn't know what I might say if I stayed on the line.

He was awake at this time, I was awake at this time. Were we both thinking the same things? I thought about what Abby had said, maybe I was overcomplicating things. Maybe I should just take the risk and leap at happiness. I was never very good with risks.

At least now I had a purpose for the next few hours. Ray was coming round, I had to get ready. I felt like Kirsty Allen, in Look Who's Talking Too. She's trying to get her husband back by dressing up for him when he comes to collect their kids. I think it was the lack of sleep, but I found myself acting really silly. I snuck into Abby and Luka's room and stole her make-up and some stuff from her wardrobe, while laughing to myself at Luka's snoring. I tried on loads of different combinations of clothes, make-up and hair-do's until I heard Jasmyn stirring in her room. It was about seven'o'clock, so I'd killed a lot of time.

"Hey honey," I said, going in and picking her up before she started waking up Abby.

"Neena, I want Momma."

"She's sleeping, how about us two watch a little t.v?"

She nodded.

I plopped her on the couch and went to the kitchen to grab two bowls of cereal. I poured out some Lucky Charms, and wondered if Ray would be eating some now. "Wray's coming today, will that be fun?"

"I love Wray," she said sombrely, concentrating on the t.v.

"Me too," I said quietly. "You not hungry, Jazz?"

She shook her head, and continued staring at the t.v.

When the door went an hour later I jumped up eagerly. God, I _was_ a stupid, simpering bimbo. I blame it on the tiredness.

"Hey," he said, casually. Oh he looked so good. Sure, he was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but he was Ray and... there was just something about him.

"Come in," I said jovially.

"Did you get back to sleep alright?"

"Oh um... yes," I lied.

"Good... So Jasmyn, where shall we go today? Neela, have you not done her hair?"

"You know I can't do her hair, she squirms too much."

He gave a small smile, "I'll do it." He sat on the couch and put Jasmyn on his knee, I handed him a brush. "So, how've you been?"

We only saw each other yesterday but we were already into the realm of small talk? "Oh good..." as the silence continued I jumped back on that old British faithful, "It's been getting a little warmer don't you think... the weather I mean."

He raised his eyebrows. "Yes... I guess it has."

Just then Abby came out of her room. She took in the scene and looked confused, but just shrugged. "Are you taking Jasmyn out today then?"

"Yes," we both said.

"Oh," Ray said, "You don't have to Neela, if you've got... other stuff to do."

"No, no, I'd like to come. If that's alright..."

"Yes, it's fine," Abby muttered as she walked to the kitchen. "For god's sake."

"You ready then?" he asked, leading Jasmyn to the door.

I nodded, thinking that I wasn't ready at all. There was a myriad of things we needed to talk about, but today wasn't the right day. Today I would simply... enjoy myself. With Ray. Tomorrow, who knows.

**A/N Hope you liked! it was defintely worth re-writing, because the other one was BAD. Oh and I'm sorry, i think I kept getting my tenses wrong, sorry! oh and what do you think of Neela's... news? hehe, did you see that twist? That was my only sure plan with this story. The rest is up to... fate.**


	6. Ray, she loves you

**A/N Hey, thanks for your lovely reviews. Thanks, thanks, thanks! Glad you all like the angst! Lol, hope you like this chapter too.**

Chapter Six- Ray

"_Pride can hurt you too, apologise to her,_

_Because she loves you, and you know that can't be bad,_

_Yes she loves you, and you know you should be glad."_

- "She Loves You" the Beatles

I went into the ER with a cup of coffee, I needed it. I'd been up all night, and then spent an action packed day with Jasmyn and Neela. I swear, things just seemed so surreal right now, I couldn't be sure I wasn't dreaming. I mean, we'd had a phone call in the early hours of the morning, and now we'd just spent the day at the play park, like nothing had happened. That is really how it felt. We were awkward at first, but then we were joking around, playing with Jazz... it felt like that time a few months ago when she'd called me out of the blue, asking if I knew where there was a park in Chicago. How I'd known that I'll _never _know. But today... it wasn't as if we'd just split up, it was if we'd never actually been together. I felt exactly the same, I just wanted to kiss her, but knew I couldn't.

I wonder how she felt.

I downed the coffee in one, but it didn't hit the sides of my overwhelming... not tiredness, my overwhelming confusion. I just didn't know what to think any more. Oh well, at least I know what I'm meant to do _here._ In the ER it didn't matter what was happening elsewhere, you were there to be a doctor, to treat your patients. Everything else just didn't matter.

Until your real life comes into the ER in the back of an ambulance. That's when you realise what your made of in a trauma. When it's some stranger, that's easy. When it's your god-daughter, you can barely think about what you're doing.

"Ray, there's an ambulance pulling up now!" Sam shouted at me, I followed her at a run to the bay.

The doors opened and Neela jumped down, my heart went into my mouth, "Neela?" I gasped. She looked ok, but what if...

Then she turned, tears filling her eyes, "Ray, it's Jasmyn."

I turned back and saw the paramedic carrying Jazz out of the ambulance. She was pale and was whimpering. I took her from him, "What's happened?"

"Suspected meningitis, temperature of 102..." He continued reeling off her stats. I couldn't think. Meningitis? I'd only just been with her... I knew symptoms could develop quickly...

I took her to the trauma room, Neela was following. "She was really tired, and pale, she said she had a sore headbut I thought she might just be getting a cold or something. Then I remembered she hadn't eaten and I..."

"Ok, ok," I said, telling myself to calm down. "Sam, get me some antibiotics, we need to put in an IV. She hasn't eaten today?"

Neela shook her head, "I don't think so, just that sandwich you gave her."

"She didn't eat hardly any of that. Has anyone contacted Luka or Abby?"

Sam said from the phone, "I think Jerry's doing that now."

I was still holding her when Caroline Smith walked in. "What's going on?"

"It's Jasmyn. Meningitis," I said, not able to form full sentences.

"Ray, let me take over," she said, gently taking Jasmyn. "I'll make sure she's alright. Neela, you shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be in here when you're..." She was silenced by a look from Neela. "Just... go to the family room, ok? I've got this."

We sat in the family room, not talking. I didn't know what the hell to think. What if, by being so stupid and slow, I'd let Jasmyn get even worse? I didn't know what Neela was thinking, but I guessed it was on the same lines. We both knew how important it was that meningitis was treated quickly and efficiently.

"Ray... will you hold me?"

"Wh-what?" That took me out of the blue.

"I just... I need someone to hold me. I need you to hold me. Please?"

I shuffled along the couch and wrapped my arms around her, she leaned against my chest with a sigh. "Why didn't I notice sooner?"

"You noticed as soon as anyone would have," I said, taking as much comfort in her leaning against me, as I hoped she was in me.

We sat there for a while, just thinking our own thoughts, until the door opened, admitting Caroline. We both jumped up as she came in.

"How is she?"

"She's doing well, as best as can be expected so soon. It's pretty certain that it's viral rather than bacterial, so that's lucky. We're giving her antibiotics, and it's looking hopeful. We think you caught it soon enough. Abby and Luka are in with her now, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind you visiting."

"Thanks, Caroline," I said, "Thank you for..."

"It's alright Barnett, any time."

I began to walk to the door, but Neela pulled me back, "Ray, we really need to talk."

"Yeah, we do. Neela, I'm sorry for... everything."

She took my hand, "Don't be sorry for everything. There's only a few things you have to be sorry for, the rest was... it all made me happy. Don't be sorry for that."

"I'm not, I'm sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to, I never meant to I just..."

"I know, I never meant to hurt you either. I shouldn't have left, we should have talked before. Next time we'll talk out our differences ok?"

"Next time?"

"Yes, next time. You think we're going to live the rest of our lives with no arguments? That's impossible, plus the arguments can, sometimes, be fun."

"The rest of... Neela, I thought..."

"I know, I'm sorry. I never wanted this break to be forever. I thought you knew that, then I got your message and... Look, Ray, I've realised how much I need you. I didn't realise it before, I thought I just... wanted you."

"You need me?" I said, with a small smile.

"Yes, I need you."

"I never thought I'd hear that."

"I never thought I'd say it and you won't be hearing it often Barnett."

"I love it when you call me Barnett."

She smiled, "I know you do." She paused then added, "Ray there's something else. I'm going to be needing you a hell of a lot more over the next nine months."

"Wh-what?"

**A/N I think I only need to say one thing, review please. Oh and, about Jasmyn, I actually did some research, shock horror, into meningitis, but I didn't want to go into loads of detail in case I got it wrong. Especially since all it really says on the sites I found is a bullet pointed list of symptoms and that it will be treated with antibiotics.**


	7. Neela, ribbon rings

Chapter Seven- Neela

"_Cuddle up, baby, move in tight,_

_We'll go dancing tomorrow night,_

_It's cold out there but it's warm in bed,_

_They can dance, we'll stay at home instead."_

- "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" Wham!

"Wh-what?" he asked, a smile playing around his lips. "What are you talking about?"

"You know that false alarm? It doesn't seem to be as... false."

"You're... pregnant?"

I smiled, "Yes, it sure seems that way."

He looked down at me and took my hand in his, "You said nine months, are we keeping it?"

"I know we're not perfect parent material, but... who is? And we near enough I'm sure."

He grinned and picked me up, swinging me round in a circle.

"Ray!"

"Sorry, I'm just so excited! Oh wow. Are we going to know the sex, or should it be a surprise? But if we know then we'll know what we can call it, and what kind of clothes to buy, although I guess in this kind of time it doesn't really matter but, it would be quite handy to know..."

He walked off, still talking and I shook my head. Like a kid at Christmas. Looks like next Christmas I'd have two kids to cope with.

Jasmyn was well again in a week, well enough to ask for presents at least. Luckily it had been viral meningitis which isn't as serious. And we caught it quick enough that it won't lead to any future complications. We all got tested, and luckily no-one else had caught it. We were all meant to be going out tonight to celebrate her well being, and Ray and I's news, but as always we were running late.

"Ray, get your arse in gear!"

"Oh, language, language," he said, chuckling. He came up behind me and hugged me, resting his head on mine. I had been trying to put my earrings in, but leaning against him was a lot nicer. Especially when he hadn't got round to putting his shirt on yet.

"I was never late before I met you."

"I know, you were always so organised too. I'm such a bad influence. You don't mind too much do you?"

I grinned, "Funnily enough, not so much."

"Hey Neela."

"Mmm?"

"Do you want to get married? I don't mean now, or tomorrow or even next month. I just mean... at some point... in the future."

"Yeah, I want to get married. Still waiting for the right guy though," I teased.

"Aw, not your baby's daddy?"

"Nope, he's a cheapskate, he hasn't even bought me a ring."

He laughed, "That is true, however he does have..." He searched in his pocket before finally pulling out a length of ribbon. "This!" he said triumphantly, "It's a sign of promised marriage in um... Cambodia."

"Really..."

"Oh yes," he began tying it round my ring finger. "This is a sign that one day, whether it be in ten months or ten years, one day -of your choosing of course- we will get married."

"Sounds like a good deal. And Ray?"

"Mmm?" he replied, finishing off the bow on my new "ring".

"Why did you have a piece of ribbon in your pocket?"

He grinned, "Wouldn't you like to know!"

"Yeah, I would."

"What will I get in return for telling you?" he said, with a sly look.

"A kiss."

"Just a kiss?"

"Not any old kiss, a kiss with a thousand endings, and a thousand beginnings," I said, mystically.

"That sounds like a good kiss. Alright, we have a deal."

"Two in one night, not bad. So tell me."

He smiled, "You want the truth, or the I'm-a-really-cute-boyfriend-who-plans-many-romantic-gestures?"

"Both sound good, but the truth please. I don't think I'd believe the other one."

"No, didn't think you would. Ok, the truth? I have no idea. All I can say, all I can beg is, please don't tell Brett I had a piece of ribbon in my pocket, he would _never _let me live it down."

I grinned, "Oh I don't know, that's some pretty good blackmailing material."

"Stop teasing. Where's my kiss?"

I went up on tiptoes, and pressed my lips to his, while pushing him backwards. As he stumbled backwards he hit the wall, which meant I could press myself closer to him. He gripped his hands around my back and lifted me up so he didn't have to bend down as far. Finally though, he had to put me down, and we both needed to breath.

"I need to go the gym, do some more weight lifting."

"Oi!"

"I meant for stamina, obviously. And for, pregnant women."

"Hey Barnett?" I said as I was heading for the door, "Since when did you do _any _weight lifting?"

He pulled me back, taking me to the bed. "You're so cheeky."

"I know it."

He began tickling me, "Take it back."

"Never!" I cried, laughing hysterically.

"I'll make you pay!"

"You'll never get the best of me!"

"Oh yeah?"

Just before I came up with my witty reply, the phone rang. "We should probably get that."

"But it'll be them," he moaned, "I don't want to go out."

"You never do. But what on earth could we find to amuse ourselves here?"

"I can think of a few things."

"It's our party."

He sighed, "Fine!" He got up, "I'll get it!" he called, running for the phone. "Hello?" I heard him answer, breathlessly.

"You do need to go to they gym!" I called through.

"Shush you!" he replied. Then I heard him say, "Yeah, we're on our way out the door, right this second."

Have you ever seen that advert; getting ready is the best part of going out?

**A/N Guys... I think that's the end. Wow, I didn't even see that coming! I thought there was more, but that seems like an end, don't you think? Yeah... I think it might be! Wow. **

**So, what did you think? Please tell me all! Sorry it was a short story, I hope it worked anyway.**

**Oh and look out for the "spin off" one shot, all about Jazz!**


	8. Ray, epilogue

**A/N Ok, I know I said that was the end, but I thought about it and that was mean. So we also have an epilogue! Lol, I was also persuaded by your reviews! Hehe, thanks! I'm glad you's all enjoyed the story! As this is the epilogue, I've decided to put more lyrics in than usual, so it's a song-fic/epilogue! Lol, it might have something to do with not knowing which to put in! They're all from "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain although I've left bit outs etc. so it fits better!**

Epilogue- Ray

_The strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful,_

_Stop me and steal my breath_

As I looked down into her eyes I couldn't help but smile. I had to be the luckiest guy in the world, right here, right now, there was _no-one _who could claim that title but me. I don't care if someone had just won a million dollars on some game show, I was luckier than them.

"Hey, congratulations," I said.

She gave me a bemused smile, "Why are you congratulating me?"

"On your wedding."

"It's your wedding too, or had you forgotten?"

I smiled, "I definitely didn't forget. I was going to say, hey Mrs Barnett, but you're not changing your name so it wouldn't really work."

"And I would be Doctor Barnett, wow, wouldn't that be confusing?"

We were dancing in the middle of the dance floor at our wedding reception, Doctor and Doctor Barnett-Rasgotra or Rasgotra-Barnett. We still hadn't decided yet. She rested her head against my chest and sighed.

"I'm so happy you know."

"Me too," I said.

_Tell me that we belong together,_

_Dress it up with the trappings of love,_

_I'll be captivated,_

_I'll hang from your lips,_

_Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_

Neela and I had been one major roller-coaster. We started off as room-mate, progressed to friends, then we'd started feeling something for each other and everything just got complicated. She'd moved away, come back, we'd become friends again and then... we were together. Then we fought, almost split up but our friends managed to pull us back from the brink. I had no doubt that without Abby, and probably Jasmyn, we would have let pride and mixed messages break us up. Oh, and Baby Barnett.

We'd decided to get married pretty soon, only a few months after I'd asked, mainly so Neela wouldn't have to tell her mother she was having a baby out of wed-lock. For the same reason we'd tried to make the ceremony as traditionally Indian as possible, given the short time frame. Neela had started showing a little, but only to those who were really looking and saw her without her top on. So, that would be me.

"Wray?"

I turned round and so Jasmyn, looking sweet in a white dress with a big puffy skirt. "Yes Jazz?"

"Mommy said we get some cake? Now?"

I chuckled, "Sure. You up for that Neena?"

"Cake? What do you think?" she asked with a wink.

_You're my survival, you're my living proof,_

_My love is alive, not dead,_

_Tell me we belong together,_

_Dress it up with the trappings of love,_

"Before we get round to the cake," I said, to the small group we'd invited to the wedding, who were now crowded around us, and the cake of course. "I'd just like to thank you all for coming, and being there for us when we needed you. Especially Abby, this wedding never would have happened without her. And I'd like to say thank you to my lovely wife, Neela."

"Thanks Barnett," she muttered. "Alright," she said in a louder voice, "I'm going to interrupt him before he says something really embarrassing and cut the cake!"

_I'll be your crying shoulder,_

_I'll be love's suicide,_

_I'll be better when I'm older,_

_I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

As we cut the cake together I whispered in her ear, "I love you, and you too Baby Barnett."

"Who says it's going to be a Barnett?" she replied, with a sly smile.

"I do."

"Oh yeah? And what will you give me in return?"

**A/N Alright, that really is it. I hope you liked it, the whole story and the epilogue! Please look out for the spin-off which will be posted tomorrow!**


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